I sat on my bed quietly, thinking of what to do with my days. The pack didn't like me. My old friends didn't even like me. My second cousin is marrying my boyfriend, and I'm going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. I hugged my pillow tightly and layed down, trying to calm myself. Usually, when I thought about all those things together, I tended to phase into my werewolf form. And that lead me to another thought- why my father had died. He had a heart attack because me and Seth phased for the first time in his presense. It was partially my fault my father was dead. And I could only think how hard it would be for my mother. Never being able to look at her children without thinking, "Hey. Those are the murderers of my husband, my one true love, my bestfriend, my everything." I started shaking. That thought had gotten me where I was trying to avoid. I was shaking voilently now, and I bit my lip, squeezed my pillow harder, and pulled the covers on my bed over my body. I started thinking of things that would cheer me up, like torturing Jacob by thinking of Bella and Edward getting married. Why couldn't he get over that little.. Leech lover? We were all tortured, the pack and I, by his thoughts of kissing her. Last night, I had a dream that I had kissed her, and man, it was gross. I realized I wasn't shaking as voilently now, and I felt my blood calming. Eventually, I stopped shaking altogether, and I smiled, happy with my power over my anger. I walked into the kitchen and fried a few eggs for breakfast, and I ate them slowly, trying to fill my stomach without stuffing my face. After six eggs, I drank two glasses of milk and sat on the couch to watch a special on Animal Planet about wolves.
Subject: The Clearwaters 
Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:36 am